I bet they even deep-fry the cereal

WENDY'S DEATH MOGUL

You know, I just can't help but feel like we aren't killing our customers quickly enough, given the limited amount of time our restaurants are open during the day. How can we solve this?

ASSISTANT

We had the marketing boys mock-up a breakfast menu for just such a situation, Sir.

WENDY'S DEATH MOGUL

Why, this...this is genius! Somebody's getting an extra carton of smokes this week!

Let's dissect this menu, in the form of a question-and-answer done reverse-style:

ANSWER:

QUESTION:

I'd like to see someone in physical pain as they're eating. What should I feed them?

ANSWER:

QUESTION:

No, no, I want to see them clutching at the front of their shirt as their lips turn blue. Do you have anything that does that?

ANSWER:

QUESTION:

I'm a sadomasochist. I'm planning on jogging nonstop to the ocean furthest away from me, and I need a single food which will supply all the calories I'll need, as well as induce piercing stomach cramps and uncontrollable explosive diarrhea. Using these guidelines, what can your chefs concoct to fulfill my needs?

ANSWER:

QUESTION:
If I ate every single item on this menu in one sitting, can you describe what my heart and blood supply would look like after I finished?


ANSWER:

QUESTION:

Which one of you fucktards stepped on my biscuit?

ANSWER:

QUESTION:

There's something healthy on this menu. How can we steer people away from purchasing and consuming it?